Friday, January 22, 2010

~Lost in Translation~

I finally had the epiphany to the question I've been aksing myself & God for the longest. Seems I've known the answer the whole time, but failed to realize it, maybe just simply ignored it. It's "human nature", it never fails turst me on that. My grandmother once told me never to ask certain ppl "why"? You never really know why people do what they do. But did that mean i couldn't ask God why either?

So here goes my answer. In order to understand that torturous question that disturbs us all in its own way, one must understand their purpose in life. Everyone has one, its' up to you to figure that out for yourself. The greater my purpose, the greater my struggle is to make through to the surface and to my ultimate destiny. To me life is a big test, filled with quizes here and there to see how you will react in situations thrown at you. Whether you crack under pressure, or realize what's happening and just roll with the punches

Yes i may cry, scream, wonder wHY?, and want to give up at times, but its all normal and apart of Life and getting to the promise land. My purpose (gift) if used cottectly will help to get me there. I can only have faith and trust in god that i am doing what i need to.

So my many wrong turns and mistakes are okay to make every now and then, just as long as i dont loose complete focus along the way.

Which path will you take? The road not taken or the road drawn out before you?..I now know you?

Monday, January 11, 2010

To live & to learn..n to experience

"Searching for the thrill of it, thrill of it...say that its love but to me its looking counterfeit, i get done with one and move right on to another b*&#@$.." -mr.taylor gang himself (Wiz khalifa) for u lames

Haha this sad lil truth for most guys right, but there is one in particular that i know that wears this crown all may know have seen him,maybe freinds or partnas wit um ;0

I once met a guy who was one of the finest things to me, (a true BMW)..
somewhat rare to stumble upon (an unlikely pair we once were n still are)
no one would ever really know/ understand hell i neva did n still dont till this day
But that BMW to me turned into a 98 toyota corrola..unfortunatley

He had it all..and in some ways he still does:
Looks, game, swagger, appeal, a lil cash?, real confident, talented individual
but at times a lil too confident for his own good
From the many things i hear, he was once a real good man for "one" girl,
but now hes that man not just for that "one" but for many girls as well
I'd be lying if i said some of his qualities didnt impress me, they did
just not all of them, i couldve lived w/o a few

I knew he wasnt totally good, and that i would never really
get what i wanted from it or much less say everything i wanted to
.. but come on guys will be guys
and you know what your getting into if you so choose to with certain ones
I made a big girl decision which inturn had big girl consequences
Regret,nope everything is a learning experience to me
I ignored my conscience for a sec n let my curiosity
become the death of me for a moment.....

Did i think i was special. at the time? i did..but i knew
if i truely was things would be totally different
So was i just "another B&%*@$?"
No matter how i let myself fall a bit...i tried to keep a guard up as well
Never let on to my true feelings n prolly never will
Some things are better left unsaid..especially when you
know its a loss cause

I can only hope that his past, present, and future preys
are as smart and keep their guard up..You gotta be on
your A game and know what your dealing with, if not
get out the game now bc thats really all it is sweetheart
i really hate to tell you..get engulfed in a river of lies and
drown in a sea of false promises that will never become true
life boats to save your ass

Why deny it..he never did
I heard things about new chicks n the "one"
after it all,, hell i still do but are you going to do
Move on..n thats exactly what i did

Theres so much that i could say
about the situation n what happened
with the one; things i know
he doesnt know that i know
about the "one" n the others
but putting ppl on blast is not my
overall objective or goal in this
blog, its just to let out what
i cant normally get out
to certain indiviauls
n let my true thoughts take control
But just know that i know a lot
more than i appear to
always two steps ahead

But on the flip side:
I kinda stumbled into sumthn new
sumthn i was inneed of sumthn i
deserved after many failed attempts of wondering n asking y me?..
Im'still scared and a lil
guarded but willing to learn and let
go n finally be happy:)

This relationship is like no other
unique in its own weird funny n twisted way
. bc i actually feel special this time
no lies, no games, no confusion, no false hope
Its right there waiting for me to reach out and
take it and run with it~

A happy ending after all???