~Lost in Translation~

I finally had the epiphany to the question I've been aksing myself & God for the longest. Seems I've known the answer the whole time, but failed to realize it, maybe just simply ignored it. It's "human nature", it never fails turst me on that. My grandmother once told me never to ask certain ppl "why"? You never really know why people do what they do. But did that mean i couldn't ask God why either?

So here goes my answer. In order to understand that torturous question that disturbs us all in its own way, one must understand their purpose in life. Everyone has one, its' up to you to figure that out for yourself. The greater my purpose, the greater my struggle is to make through to the surface and to my ultimate destiny. To me life is a big test, filled with quizes here and there to see how you will react in situations thrown at you. Whether you crack under pressure, or realize what's happening and just roll with the punches

Yes i may cry, scream, wonder wHY?, and want to give up at times, but its all normal and apart of Life and getting to the promise land. My purpose (gift) if used cottectly will help to get me there. I can only have faith and trust in god that i am doing what i need to.

So my many wrong turns and mistakes are okay to make every now and then, just as long as i dont loose complete focus along the way.

Which path will you take? The road not taken or the road drawn out before you?..I now know mine...do you?

To live & to learn..n to experience

"Searching for the thrill of it, thrill of it...say that its love but to me its looking counterfeit, i get done with one and move right on to another b*&#@$.." -mr.taylor gang himself (Wiz khalifa) for u lames

Haha this sad lil truth for most guys right, but there is one in particular that i know that wears this crown well....you all may know have seen him,maybe freinds or partnas wit um ;0

I once met a guy who was one of the finest things to me, (a true BMW)..

somewhat rare to stumble upon (an unlikely pair we once were n still are)

no one would ever really know/ understand hell i neva did n still dont till this day

But that BMW to me turned into a 98 toyota corrola..unfortunatley

He had it all..and in some ways he still does:

Looks, game, swagger, appeal, a lil cash?, real confident, talented individual

but at times a lil too confident for his own good

From the many things i hear, he was once a real good man for "one" girl,

but now hes that man not just for that "one" but for many girls as well

I'd be lying if i said some of his qualities didnt impress me, they did

just not all of them, i couldve lived w/o a few

I knew he wasnt totally good, and that i would never really

get what i wanted from it or much less say everything i wanted to

.. but come on guys will be guys

and you know what your getting into if you so choose to with certain ones

I made a big girl decision which inturn had big girl consequences

Regret,nope everything is a learning experience to me

I ignored my conscience for a sec n let my curiosity

become the death of me for a moment.....

Did i think i was special. at the time? i did..but i knew

if i truely was things would be totally different

So was i just "another B&%*@$?"

No matter how i let myself fall a bit...i tried to keep a guard up as well

Never let on to my true feelings n prolly never will

Some things are better left unsaid..especially when you

know its a loss cause

I can only hope that his past, present, and future preys

are as smart and keep their guard up..You gotta be on

your A game and know what your dealing with, if not

get out the game now bc thats really all it is sweetheart

i really hate to tell you..get engulfed in a river of lies and

drown in a sea of false promises that will never become true

life boats to save your ass

Why deny it..he never did

I heard things about new chicks n the "one"

after it all,, hell i still do but are you going to do

Move on..n thats exactly what i did

Theres so much that i could say

about the situation n what happened

with the one; things i know

he doesnt know that i know

about the "one" n the others

but putting ppl on blast is not my

overall objective or goal in this

blog, its just to let out what

i cant normally get out

to certain indiviauls

n let my true thoughts take control

But just know that i know a lot

more than i appear to

always two steps ahead

But on the flip side:

I kinda stumbled into sumthn new

sumthn i was inneed of sumthn i

deserved after many failed attempts of wondering n asking y me?..

Im'still scared and a lil

guarded but willing to learn and let

go n finally be happy:)

This relationship is like no other

unique in its own weird funny n twisted way

. bc i actually feel special this time

no lies, no games, no confusion, no false hope

Its right there waiting for me to reach out and

take it and run with it~

A happy ending after all???

I swear sometimes im the 9th wonder of the world

To be or not to be..is that really the question?

Lol let me stop

Well i finally started a blog after all the procrastination. writing has always been my passion, but also something ive put to the side. An old freind once told me since i seem to have an issue getttin out what i honestly wanna say i should first write it down, so here goes....

Knowledge is power and everyone is entittled to their own opinion. I guess this is something like a thesis..my overachieving self:)

Some may disagree some may agree..either way i dont really care its just my thoughts and experiences that i have experienced in my 19 short years here on this torturous planet we call earth. makind has truely found some ways to make it amazing and excuse my french.but also fuck it up in the process

Life's truley funny to me, the people, the places, all the emotions, people's reactions and outbursts, how dejavu occurs (even though its really a trick of the mind), white lies, big lies, why people really lie in the first place and the biggest lies are told to ourselves, denial, secrets, dang mostly the psychology of the mind.it really entrigues me (hence my psych major;)

Ive ran into a good amount of people in my lifetime..shoot i was raised around them: cheaters, cleptomaniacs, narsasists!, egomaniacs, depressed ppl, confused ppl, hell ive seen it all

Not to say that i am the most perfect person in the world..CAUSE IM NOT..but at least im bold and honest enough to say that i have had my fair share of mistakes (no regrets) just learning experiences that i can only hope to make better

I hate ppl who have been through something but have to make it public, like AHH HELLO EVERYOne has had their fair share of issues and heartbreaking stories good enough to make th oprah show and so have i but damn u see me exploiting it to everyone and advertising that shit like a damn mr.clean commercial.its not neccessary..GROW UP, talk about it with a select few, most of all SEEK HELP

People get mad at the dumbest things, just to get over it and get mad all over again. But you know what in the end you have to get over whatever you were mad at eventually or just move on

Everything and everybody is not meant to be, forever. Stop holding on to things of the past or trying to change people. Maybe you just need to change your situatuion or environment. You shouldnt try to change people because then they wouldnt be themselves..

Sometimes you have to truley let go and let god..stop fighting the enevitable

SN: if u dont understand half these words im using..u 1) didnt pass your SAT's

2) need to get a dictionary or get over it

3) stop reading now and just kill yourself bc they really arent that complicated i havent even started to bring out the really big ones n this is only the intro to my blogs..dhhat

contd:)

I love the people in my life that are postive to me..but i love the ones even more who are negative..why you ask?

You need people period, not just to succeed, but when you fail to have something to look back at and learn from. Make mistakes, its apart of life. Fooled me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me

To those that i may have affended already not just in my blogs but recently in actions or just in general..im truely sorry, but i cant apologize for being me..you can either take it or leave it..shit happens..you can speak to me about it or not..dats on you really..For those who have offended or wronged me..dnt worry i forgive u..but i also forget u

WHy do ppl always do things out of the "kindness of their heart?" but then expect something bak in return or feel you owe them?..this is why i never accept much from ppl.id rather struggle until i get what i need myself..i hate having to depend on ppl.even your closests freinds are untrustworthy sometimes much less family

Ive been feeling so conflicted lately about situations and the lifestyle i live now; but some things you just have to let happen and see how they play out.ive always tried to be two steps ahead of the game..but sometimes god has other plans no matter how far ahead we plan

Now i know your saying (especially those haters) i know this girl aint tryna be spirtual and curse at the same time in this blog..im not gunna listen..dnt..but also dnt judge me nobody can except one..take a sec.thnk about it..DNT WORRY ILL WAIT..(katt williams vocie)

like cudi said "ill be up, up, and away cause in the end they'll judge me anyway so whatever!"

Have lost my focus for a sec i have to admit.almost lost my eye from being on the prize..but its cool.we all slip up sometime..ill get it straight next semester..wont let ppl dictate my life or feelings or establish what im supposed to do..ill do what i think is right.wont tolerate ppl messing with my head or emotions.not being coldhearted..just a lil wiser with who i let in and out of my life.never a follower always a leader..was always destined for greatness~.even if my destiny seems detered for the moment..just work my way up and OUT

~This is only a glimpse into the actual thoughts that go through my head on the daily basis..y people do what they do..try to be so perfect in the public eye with all the flaws in the world..be REAL..we wont judge..as much at least..their are always those u need hand sanitizer for when greeting the public;)

Until next time my freinds..n not so freindly....

~Shan~

Shout out to my girl daija n my boy clinnie b they have amazing blogs too u should def check them out if u care to be enlightented by young ppl beyond their time n who r the realest n most down to earth ppl you will eva meet!